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I’m Pregnant

Dear Jalen,

It was late in March 2011 when I was having a pretty rough day. The kind of day where you question everything. The kind of day when you’re at your wit’s end and at a loss for what to do. The kind of day when nothing seemed to be going right or the way you expected or even “going” at all. I was sitting in my car when I said a quick prayer. I wouldn’t consider myself the type of person who prays regularly. Quite the opposite, actually. But that day my exasperation got the best of me and it led me to a quick prayer. I don’t recall the exact words, I only remember acknowledging that I was at a complete loss for what I was supposed to be doing with myself. I was confused because I felt I had been doing all the right things, going about them all the right way but I kept encountering road blocks and I was discouraged.

I can recall saying if anyone was out there listening I needed a very clear direct sign. The hit-me-over-the-head kind of direct sign of what I was supposed to be doing because whatever lesson that was trying to get me thus far, well, I wasn’t connecting with it. So here you go, please take over, I need you to show me what the heck I’m supposed to be doing because I just didn’t get it. Less than 24 hours later, I didn’t get the hit-me-over-the-head kind of sign. I got the knock you flat on your butt kind of sign. I found out I was pregnant.

“Some say be careful what you wish for. Well, I’d be more wary of not wishing at all.” – Unknown

It would be an understatement to say I was in complete shock but I know of no other way to describe it. Because of this prayer and because of other reasons too personal to put into a blog, I knew in that moment you were absolutely, unequivocally meant to be in this world and I was (am) so excited to discover all the many reasons why. But first, I had to tell your Dad. His birthday was coming up in just a few days and being the incredible gift that you are, it only made sense to wrap up this news as a present and give it to him on his birthday.

I can count on one hand, without using all my fingers, the number of times I have seen your Dad cry. But when he opened his birthday gift, your Dad sobbed tears of happiness. We cried together. We were (are) so very, very happy.

We had just become a family.

Love,

Mama

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